Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
