Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
