9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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