News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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