what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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