I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
