It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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