I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize