my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
