Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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