I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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