I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
