the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My vagina is officially offended.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
