Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
