i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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