I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
