Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i came on her dog
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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