Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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