nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
