All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
