I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
