I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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