make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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