i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize