My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
