you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
