very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I am one with the molecules
pray to the hookup gods
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
