tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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