You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
