I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize