I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
