I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
