Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
