You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
