I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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