If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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