YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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