This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
