DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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