Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
