So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
