and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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