he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
