you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
