i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize