Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize