He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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