Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
