After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
