So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
