her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Your cock deserves a montage
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize