1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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