Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
