I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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