Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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