My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
