What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize