im drinking this country out of the recession.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
