Heybabeimwearingurpanties
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
