Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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