I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
