Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
im holly from the hills drunk
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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