I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
