you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
