my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
