i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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