a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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