Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
